


best kept secret

by alexmanes



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, References to 1x06 Flashbacks, References to Homophobic Behavior
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-06 23:16:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17949053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexmanes/pseuds/alexmanes
Summary: Alex explains why some things are best kept secret, especially from a man like Jesse Manes.





	best kept secret

**Author's Note:**

> I have way too much on my plate. A full-blown Kylex one-shot (something much bigger than this) is in the works and I've got a couple Malex projects going too. Talk about putting my hands in too many cookie jars. But Kylex is one of my current weaknesses and I really wanted to get something out, especially for my fellow Kylex stans who're looking for Prime Content. If I must write hundreds of Kylex fics to get their AO3 tag pumping, so be it!

Kyle can't tell you when this became anything more than a tentative friendship, because not even he knows when they began blurring the line between friends and lovers. What he can tell you, however, is that this has been years in the making.

Some of those years were spent as clueless children who knew no better, sharing chaste kisses before Jesse Manes and the rest of the town got in their heads. Others were spent as enemies, with Kyle on the wrong side of their ensuing arguments because he was terrified of being treated like Alex. But he's trying to make up for those lapses in judgement. Hoping Alex will forgive him for what he knows now, but didn't know back then. And judging by the fact they spend more nights together than apart, Kyle likes to think they're well on their way to a better place. 

If only he didn't have to keep so many secrets from Alex, who has been nothing but honest with Kyle. Who has no idea that Kyle's knee-deep in an extraterrestrial investigation on both sides of the playing field. Who doesn't know if he should bring Alex in on the alien secret he's sworn to keep. 

There's no easy way to go about broaching the subject, but Kyle thinks Alex could be a reliable ally. He's not about to run and tell his father everything he hears, for starters. If anything, he'll take this information with him to the grave out of pure spite toward Jesse. And truth be told? Alex is Kyle's impulse control and probably has more common sense than Kyle ever will, so it'll be good to get him in on all this. Liz can appreciate that, right? This is _her_ best friend, anyway. Honestly, Kyle is surprised she hasn't already told Alex all about her alien investigations. 

So Kyle pumps himself up day in and day out, swearing he'll settle down with Alex before their nightly dinner and hash out what he knows. He'll ask Alex to forgive him for holding out on secrets this big and beg him to keep quiet about what he's been told. Begging may or may not lead to some very hot — but very angry on Alex's part — sex. It may or may not also lead to Kyle getting stuck on the couch for a week. It's a toss-up at this point, to be quite frank, but he's going in expecting the worst. 

"Has your dad ever mentioned me?" Kyle _finally_ dares to ask one night, but only after they've eaten and settled down on the couch for a post-dinner movie. For all of resentment broiling between the Manes men, he knows Alex still has no choice but to face his father every day at work. Surely someone like Jesse has shared his crackpot theories with one — if not all — of his sons. If so, Alex might know more than he's letting on. Maybe he doesn't. Better to ask and find out than blindly assume, or say something he'll come to regret if Alex is hearing this all for the first time. 

"No," Alex cautiously replies. From where his head is resting against Kyle's shoulder, he looks up at his boyfriend through narrowed eyes. "Why would he?"

"I talk to him sometimes," Kyle explains, hoping it sounds a lot more casual to Alex than it does to his own ears. "Not because I want to, but since he's got this weird idea in his head that—"

Before he can finish, Alex blurts, "Does he know about us?" 

"What?" Kyle's caught off guard, unsure what else to say. That was the last thing he expected to come out of Alex's mouth. "No, he...he doesn't even know I'm bisexual. No one does." Rumors of his parking lot hookup with Liz spread so quickly, Kyle's certain everyone in Roswell is convinced of his heterosexuality. Jesse Manes included. "I haven't told him anything, if that's what you're worried about."

Alex relaxes after that, letting out a sigh of relief and muttering, "Good."

Because Alex seems so pleased with his answer, Kyle can't help but ask, "Would it be that bad if he did? Know about us, I mean."

"Uh, _yeah_ ," Alex says, as if that much is obvious. "We've been over this, Kyle." 

"We're not kids anymore," Kyle points out. "What's the worst he can do?"

That, Kyle comes to quickly learn, is the last thing _he_ should've said. He sees a flicker of pain in Alex's eyes — raw and vulnerable, as if they're teenagers again and Alex is mentally reliving all of those awful memories Kyle helped create — before Alex pulls away. He's no longer glued to Kyle's side, instead putting a considerable distance between them on the couch. Kyle scrambles to follow after him, realizing a moment too late that he's said something wrong.

"I didn't mean to make you upset," Kyle insists, wrapping an arm around Alex's waist. It keeps him from getting up and avoiding the conversation, and gives Kyle the chance to apologize for overstepping his boundaries. "You know I'm okay with keeping our relationship on the low. We never have to tell your dad about us, okay? I just thought things were different now. You're living out here and your dad's staying on base. He can't hurt you anymore, Alex. And if he tries to, I won't let him."

"That's what I'm worried about," Alex quietly admits, making a point of turning his body away from Kyle.

"What? Me sticking it to your dad?" Kyle questions. 

"Not just that," Alex sighs, body slumping against the armrest. "I'm worried about my dad hurting _you_ to hurt _me_ , Kyle. If my dad finds out about you — about _us_ , he's going to do everything he can to stop it. He has connections you don't even know about. Not even _I_ know how far they go, but I do know my dad. I know what he's capable of and I'm not about to let history repeat itself."

Kyle's brows furrow in confusion. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Alex catches his slip-up a moment too late, and a look of startled realization spreads across his face. Yet as quickly as it appeared, it's gone and a schooled, impassive expression is in its place. Kyle knows Alex better than that, though. He knows when Alex is clearly trying to put his walls back up; not for his own sake, but for Kyle's.

"Nothing," Alex tries to excuse. "Let's just drop it. Isn't there a movie you wanted to watch?"

Kyle gives him The Look, also known as: I Am Clearly Not Buying That Deflection. Alex looks thoroughly exasperated, but his features soften and he shifts to properly face Kyle, who edges back ever so slightly. If Alex is going to open up, he wants to make sure he's as comfortable as possible. 

"Did I ever tell you why I missed the last week of senior year?" Alex asks, but they both know the answer to that. Alex rarely revisits memories of their high school years, and Kyle's inclined to leave that chapter of his life where it belongs: in the past. It won't do them any good moving forward, so he's never bothered digging for answers he doesn't need or deserve. What happened to Alex more than a decade ago hasn't been any of Kyle's business unless Alex deems it so. Kyle's made peace with that. Made peace with a lot of things, actually.

"No," Kyle hesitantly responds. "If I had to take a guess, I'd say it's got something to do with your dad."

Alex nods before continuing. "He beat me so bad, no one was going to buy the 'I fell into a doorknob' excuse. And do you know why he beat me?"

Kyle swallows back the lump in his throat, mouth suddenly going dry. "Why?"

"Because he caught me with a boy," Alex bluntly states. There's no emotion, good or bad, in his voice. No hitch of breath. No wavering. He's unusually cool, calm, and collected, which only happens when he relives his worst memories. It's a defense mechanism Kyle has come to learn well. "In the shed behind our house. I don't know how he knew, but he did.

"And I wasn't the only one who suffered that night," Alex adds. There's a moment where he appears to second-guess himself, as if something sits on the tip of his tongue and he's considering keeping it trapped in his mouth rather than speaking it into the universe. "The boy I was with, he — he saw my dad put his hands on me and tried to get involved. So my dad took a hammer to his hand to get the message across. Michael Guerin's still got the scars to show for it."

Kyle can't help but stare at Alex as if he's grown a second head, eyes widening and jaw going slack. This is the first he's ever heard of this horrific story, but also the first he's heard of Alex being involved with _anyone_ , least of all someone like Michael. He can't seem to wrap his head around the concept of Alex and Michael having their own highschool fling, but he supposes that's due to how distant he and Alex were at the time. 

"You and Guerin — you two were — you dated him?" Kyle stutters, prompting Alex to fondly roll his eyes. 

"I wouldn't call it dating," Alex sighs, absentmindedly staring into space. "We found something in each other back then. Comfort we couldn't find in anyone else, but we didn't get far enough to put a label on it. My dad made sure of that." 

Kyle settles a hand on Alex's knee, giving it a firm and reassuring squeeze. "Is that why you don't want to tell him about us?"

"When I tried rekindling things with Guerin," Alex goes on to explain, "my dad made a point of reminding me that Guerin's a different person now. And because of the choices he makes, it'd be easy for my dad to make him go away completely. What makes you think he wouldn't do the same to you?"

Kyle wants to insist that he's different. That with his mother in charge of local law enforcement and his high-profile job at the hospital, he's not so easily swept under the rug. Then he remembers Jesse's loosely veiled threat towards him, back when he was enlisting Kyle to help in his alien investigation, and realizes that maybe Jesse has more power than he gives him credit for. A memory as horrific as this is not so easily snuffed out either, and he can't blame Alex for his concern toward their future together. A future they may not even have if Jesse catches wind of what's transpiring between them. 

"I blame myself for the way Guerin is," Alex admits, so suddenly, so unexpectedly, that Kyle is genuinely rendered speechless. "If he wasn't staying at the shed, then we wouldn't have gone back there to hook up and my dad wouldn't have caught us and Guerin's hand wouldn't be broken and he'd—"

"Hey, hey, hey," Kyle rushes to soothe, regaining his voice for Alex's sake. "Don't think like that. Whatever sick and twisted punishment your father decided to dish out on two innocent kids, that doesn't fall on you."

"And what if he does something to _you_?" Alex challenges, staring Kyle directly in the eye. "Who does that fall on?"

"Still not you," Kyle insists. He slides his hands onto Alex's shoulders, rubbing soothing circles through his flannel shirt. "Besides, he's got bigger fish to fry right now. I doubt he has time to worry about what we're getting up to."

Alex's brows furrow, then raise up questioningly. "Which means...?"

"We can talk about that later," Kyle reassures, "but right now, let's focus on you. On us, okay?"

"Okay," Alex relents, trying to sound sure of himself. 

"Good," Kyle says, offering a fond smile. "Whatever happens between us, I'm not going to let your dad scare me off. I'm not going to let him hurt you either and I know you won't let him hurt me. Right?"

"Of course," Alex sighs. He leans closer so their foreheads press together, draping his arms over Kyle's shoulders and drawing him closer.

Kyle pecks him on the lips, one hand carding up through Alex's dark locks. "Then that's settled. I don't want you worrying about what if's or worst case scenarios. We're going to make this work whether he likes it or not, but we don't have to tell him. You don't owe him anything, Alex."

"You're right," Alex agrees, hoping to convince himself of what Kyle's so certain of. "I just — I haven't felt like this in so long. I haven't been this happy in _years_ , Kyle. If anything happens to you—"

"But it won't," Kyle insists. For good measure, he reaches up to grasp Alex's chin between his thumb and forefinger, then tugs him in for another kiss. "We won't let it."

Alex still looks doubtful, so Kyle continues peppering kisses along his lips and around the corners of his mouth and across his cheeks and everywhere else he can reach before Alex is trying to push him away, bursting into laughter when Kyle smothers him against the couch. 

For now, talks of aliens can wait. Kyle can afford to keep Alex in the dark one more night, if only to spare him of anymore thoughts of his father. 

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this fic, feel free to drop a kudos or comment, but only if that's what you're into. If you prefer other methods, you can privately hug your phone/computer close to your chest and whisper, "Thank you." I promise I'll hear your kind words, sense your gratitude, and smile to myself. Find me at [alexmanes](https://alexmanes.tumblr.com) if you ever want to discuss Kylex. I'm terrified of Kylexing on the main, but I'd do it for all you lovely readers.


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